The Evils of Grinding

Mr. Bork found out about Grinding at Heelan, so he made the expected deal that's expected of him. He wrote this letter and sent it to all the families of Heelan's High school students.

January 28, 2010
Dear Valued Families,
Today I would like to approach a topic that I never imagined I would write on. I have taken
numerous courses regarding school administration and have read several articles on successful
schools. In my course work and in my reading the topic of “freak” or “dirty” dancing has not been
covered one time.
I would like to first begin by saying in general our school dances are very positive experiences. I
usually chaperone these events and find it enjoyable. Our kids truly love to be together as a
community. Unlike many other schools our attendance is extremely high and the overall behavior
is outstanding. Our students go against the trend as almost every one of them is on the dance
floor for almost every song. These are all positives that I would like to maintain at Bishop Heelan.
The one negative of our dances has been the recent infusion of “freak” dancing. For those of you
who are unsure or unaware of this term I will add a definition from answers.com:
What is Freak Dancing?
Freak dancing (or grinding) is when two or more dancers rub together to music in a
suggestive sexual manner. You can think of it like dry humping, where no actual
intercourse takes place, but partners and groups simulate sexual acts and positions.
Freak dancing has also been referred to as juking, houseing, freaking, bubbling, dirty
dancing, bump and grind, and crunking (in the UK).
In the US, many freak dancers are adults, but in recent years a popular trend has
sprung among young teens, who have embraced this form of sexual expression on the
dance floor. Back in 1987, the movie Dirty Dancing showed a tamer version of freak
dancing. A couple years later, the Lambada also had some variations of grinding.
The issue of “freak” dancing became apparent after our 2009 homecoming dance. I personally
was uncomfortable with the actions of our students. I was also disappointed in myself and my
ability to uphold the high standards and expectations of Bishop Heelan Catholic High School. I
have discussed this topic with other school administrators, staff members, parent groups,
individual students and our student council. My objective was simple; I wanted to clean up the
actions at dances without threatening the attendance, good times, or the sense of community
shared by our student body. In theory this seems like an easy goal, but finding a policy, or way to
enforce actions has proven to be impossible. The one way to ensure our students behave in a
manner that is representative of Bishop Heelan is to simply ban “freak” dancing from school
functions. I can not as the building administrator in good conscience allow your students to
BISHOP HEELAN HIGH SCHOOL
FAITH . KNOWLEDGE . VALUES . SERVICE Bishop Heelan High School
1021 Douglas Street
Sioux City, Iowa 51105
Phone: 252-0573 Fax: 252-4897
Administrative Office
P.O. Box 1439
Sioux City, Iowa 51102
Phone: 712-252-1350
Fax: 712-252-9085
BISHOP HEELAN CATHOLIC SCHOOLS: BISHOP HEELAN HIGH SCHOOL • HOLY CROSS SCHOOL • MATER DEI SCHOOL • SACRED HEART SCHOOL
behave in this manner while entrusted to my care. If you question whether or not this style of
dancing is right or wrong, I will include step by step instructions to “freaking” from answers.com:
How to Freak Dance
Let’s get started. Below are some of the common techniques that can help you learn
how to freak dance.
• Dance partners face in the same direction where one has their groin in contact
with the other’s butt, or in sexual terms – doggie style.
• Facing each other, dance partners straddle their laps. This is basically a
simulated version of rubbing ones private parts together on your partner’s thigh
through clothing.
• The female partner supports her weight on the floor with her hands and has her
partner stand directly behind her holding her legs or feet up.
• Another technique is known as the “Wave”. Partners synchronize grinding
motions to the beat of the music playing.
• Grinding motions are also known as “Side-to-Side” where partners press
together front to back and front to front.
• In the “Rotational”, the hips move in a circular or figure eight pattern.
• An extreme move called the “Vibration Gyration” involves rapid movements of
the entire body or rear end to the beat of music playing.
• Freak dancing can start with the female partner leading with her hips as her
male partner copies what she does, moving along with her. Or her partner may
simply direct the motions from behind with his hands.
• A “bumping line”, “freak train”, “booty line” or “pelvis conga” is a chain of
dancers, single sex or mixed that grind together in a line to the beat of the
music.
• Another technique called the “sandwich” involves two or more members of the
same sex surrounding another person of the opposite sex in a sort of simulated
“group sex” or orgy type of action.
I understand that this is a graphic description and hope very much that it wasn’t insulting or
offensive to any readers. I also want to make sure that as parents you understand exactly the
elements that are becoming more prevalent at our functions. Upon reading this, I think we can all
agree that these actions should not take place at a Bishop Heelan Catholic School sponsored
dance, or event. I hope you will support me and the rest of our staff as the final two dances of the
school year are approaching. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to contact
me at 252‐0573 or email me at borkc@bishophelan.org.
Thank you,
Christian A. Bork
Principal



Naturally, I wrote a response.


Dear Mr. Bork,

I read your open letter on "Freak Dancing", and I figured it would be useful for you to hear from a student's perspective. Firstly, the term used to describe the form of dancing you describe in your letter is almost always referred to by people around here as "Grinding", and sometimes "Dirty Dancing". In fact, I have never heard of it referred to by any other name before today. Secondly, this isn't at all recent. Throughout my entire experience at Heelan, grinding has appeared regularly at every single dance. In fact, all of the other dances that I have been to have hosted grinding, from the Music Camp at USD, to the Woodbury County Fair's "Barn Dance". Thirdly, you have no reason to be ashamed for the presence of "Grinding" at Heelan. This form of dancing is ubiquitous.

Mr. Bork,the definition of grinding you used described it has a form of sexual expression on the dance floor. I feel that this is a horrible generalization. It very well may be a form of sexual expression for many hormonally charged teens who do it, however it isn't the dance itself that forces the act to become "a sexual expression on the dance floor", it is the actors. Many interactions between human beings can be an act of sexual expression if the people participating make it such. A simple stroke of a cheek may be a tender brush from a father to a daughter or an arousing touch of skin from a passionate lover. Forms of physical contact have different meanings based on the intent of those committing the actions. Obviously a hug from a man to his son has different connotations than a hug from a man to his wife. It doesn't make sense to ban an action based on the intent of some who commit the action. If I formed a sacrilegious club in which the sign of the cross was a symbol of the devil, you wouldn't consider banning the sign of the cross. I feel that at Heelan, students come to the dances with the positive attitude that's cultured in our classrooms. I believe that our students grind merely because it is the popular way to dance. If our students really needed a form of "sexual expression" then they wouldn't attend our dances, they would be having sex elsewhere.

The step by step definition you included used some pretty graphic descriptions. Those forms of grinding that are outrageously suggestive aren't even practiced at Heelan. The rest of the definition either mislabels the spirit of the actions practiced in regards to Heelan grinding (I understand that in other places the spirit of grinding is outright sexual) or simply explains things which aren't questionable or bad. Allow me to explain:
• Dance partners face in the same direction where one has their groin in contact

with the other’s butt, or in sexual terms – doggie style.

I don't know a lot about two dogs having sex, but I don't think it looks like two teenagers swaying back and forth to music. When we dance at Heelan, we don't dance "in sexual terms", we dance to dance. We don't ask our partners "Missionary or Doggie style?", we say "I like this song" or we sing along to the lyrics or have other conversation. I think I'd about vomit if all the dancing I was doing was sexually motivated. We dance for fun.

• Facing each other, dance partners straddle their laps. This is basically a

simulated version of rubbing ones private parts together on your partner’s thigh

through clothing.

If you have ever given anyone a hug or bumped into anyone on an elevator, there is a good chance that your "private parts" have rubbed against them. In fact, many other dances besides grinding have some form of pelvic contact, like the tango. At Heelan, the touching of "private parts" is incidental, as it is in a close hug.

• The female partner supports her weight on the floor with her hands and has her

partner stand directly behind her holding her legs or feet up.

This never happens at Heelan. I have never seen this at any dance.

• Another technique is known as the “Wave”. Partners synchronize grinding

motions to the beat of the music playing.

Synchronizing movements to the beat of the music is called dancing, which I would think is highly appropriate for any dance.

• Grinding motions are also known as “Side-to-Side” where partners press

together front to back and front to front.

This is a restatement of what grinding is.



• In the “Rotational”, the hips move in a circular or figure eight pattern.

Is there a problem with circular and figure eight patterns?



• An extreme move called the “Vibration Gyration” involves rapid movements of

the entire body or rear end to the beat of music playing.

While I have never really encountered really fast grinding, I guess if the beat was fast, the grinding could be fast. Any dance can have an upbeat tempo.

• Freak dancing can start with the female partner leading with her hips as her

male partner copies what she does, moving along with her. Or her partner may

simply direct the motions from behind with his hands.

Most forms of dance have a particular sex lead, like the Waltz, where the male leads.

• A “bumping line”, “freak train”, “booty line” or “pelvis conga” is a chain of

dancers, single sex or mixed that grind together in a line to the beat of the

music.

I haven't ever seen this at Heelan.

• Another technique called the “sandwich” involves two or more members of the

same sex surrounding another person of the opposite sex in a sort of simulated

“group sex” or orgy type of action.

This is like calling a group hug an orgy type of action. The intent at Heelan isn't "let's make believe like we are having sex", it's simply a dance. In the sandwich, an additional partner is included who would otherwise be left dancing alone.


Grinding may be sexual simulation for some, but I feel that at Heelan, our students are more wholesome than that. I feel that grinding is just like any other form of dance for the students who accept Jesus as their savior at Bishop Heelan. I believe we have a wholesome, fun loving attitude, and would be reviled at the idea of grinding as a form of sexual expression.I understand why you are uncomfortable- this form of dancing had me raising my eyebrows when I first saw it. However, this dance's presence at Heelan is just good, clean fun. Our students are a cut above average. I encourage you to reconsider your position on the matter.

Thank You,
Gregory Joseph Danner
Student